DATING & CULTURE
Traditional Philippine Courtship in Modern Day Dating
From 17th century Welsh men giving women hand-carved lovespoons, to Mexicans using whistling as a means of exchanging sweet nothings — the world is brimming with different traditions when it comes to courtship.
And the Philippines isn’t one to fall behind.
These days online dating is the fad. But if you’re wooing a Filipina, it still pays to know her traditions. Who knows, by learning about these, you might just get a trick or two to impress her? Besides, when it comes to romance, sometimes the outdated ways tend to be the most romantic ones.
To help you with this endeavor, here’s an overview of traditional Philippine courtship customs and how you may apply them to modern day dating:
Traditional Courtship in the Philippines
Winning a Filipina’s heart can be, in ways, different from how you would a woman from a different country.
For one: To get the approval of a Filipino woman, you don’t go the extra mile to try and impress only her. But you also do it for her entire family and even close friends as well.
Second, it takes a lot of patience, effort and a sprinkle of creativity to make sure your affections are heard. You can’t simply declare you love her, without working for and proving it to everyone.
And lastly, you can’t be too assertive and aggressive. Traditionally, Philippine courtship is done in a discreet and friendly way. You just can’t approach a Filipina and directly ask her for a relationship.
Instead, there are certain ways for you to do it.
Pasaguli or Riddle courtship
Riddle me this: I hurt the most when lost, yet also when not had at all. I can be given to many, or just one. What am I?
The answer is love — and if you were to express your love and affection during the traditional Philippine era, you needed to prepare a whole lot of these riddles.
As a practice, pasaguli allows you to express your sentiments through poetic questions that should reflect how you feel.
Modern Day Pasaguli
If you randomly flirt with a Filipina through riddles, rather than a flattered response, chances are you’d get a very confused one. It just isn’t something we’re used to receiving as a romantic gesture anymore.
Admittedly, pasaguli is not as effective today as it has been in the past. So, how can you use it to impress someone?
Well, a similar way to express your affection is through the use of hugot lines, or pick-up lines. Not everyone is receptive to this type of approach. But if you use the correct words, and with the perfect timing, you might just make a clear way to a Filipina’s heart.
It’s an opportunity for you to show your playful, flirty and, not to mention, witty side to impress her. It’s especially a charm if you put in effort to learn Tagalog pick-up lines.
Harana or Serenade
Ever fancy yourself a singer? And what do you think about carrying a tune in front of her house and for everyone to hear?
Back in the day, that would be one way for you to present your affection.
Harana is courtship through serenading the woman you admire. You can pick any love song you deem fitting your affection for her, and simply sing your heart out.
Modern Day Harana
Music can still be your wingman when it comes to modern courtship.
This time, you don’t need to sing in front of her house at night if you don’t want to. Instead, you can render a song for her whenever you’re out on a date.
You can also, from time to time, give her song recommendations that remind you of her, or something that reminded you of a memory you have together.
The majority of Filipinas love music, and appreciate someone who constantly thinks of them. By combining these together, you might just be able to snatch her heart.
Paninilbihan or Servitude
What would you do for love? If your answer is anything, then you might just be able to practice this custom without breaking a sweat.
Paninilbihan happens when you accomplish household and farm chores for the family of your courted woman. For example: you would have been asked by her parents to fetch some water from the well, or chop some firewood for them to use in the house.
This gesture can go on for days so the family can assess whether you’re truly determined, and sincere about your feelings.
Modern Day Paninilbihan
When you’re courting a Filipina today, there comes a time when you’ll be meeting her parents. Maybe then you can put in a little more effort to help around the house and offer service to the whole family.
On the other hand, you can also do paninilbihan by being a gentleman to the Filipina you’re courting. You can do so by doing the usual gestures such as, helping her with her errands, or accompany her when she needs to stay and watch their house.
It doesn’t have to be as grand and difficult as how men did back in the days, you simply need to be there for her. Be the first person to offer her a hand when she’s in need.
Sending Love Letters
As with other countries before, Philippine courtship also had a time when men personally wrote letters, poems and even novels for the women they love.
To do this, you would have to ask the close relatives or friends of your courted woman to hand the letters to her.
Modern Day Love Letters
Now, with technology, personally writing your sentiments on paper has been rendered unnecessary.
With just a few clicks of a button, you can be sending or telling your adored woman everything you wish to tell them — even if you’re miles apart.
But while the internet age has made sending messages so much easier, it’s still more romantic if we look back in our past.
Instead of simply chatting with them, why not go out of your way and write them a heartfelt letter? Not only will this give them the impression that you’ve made an effort, but she will also have something physical to hold onto and remember you by.
Then and Now
Courtship and dating in the Philippines have drastically changed over time.
One thing that didn’t change, however, is that Filipinas still are very worthy of all the effort people give into chasing after their affection. Indeed, once you love a Filipina, you won’t want to let her go.
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