Realities
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex Again After Breaking Up?
Let me know if this sounds familiar:
You started as strangers, quickly became friends, and then started dating not long after. You might have even had a really good friendship before becoming lovers.
Unfortunately, you get to a point where a romantic relationship isn’t what you want anymore, and now you find yourselves becoming exes.
But can you be friends with your ex even after you’ve broken up?
That depends on whether you broke up on good terms or not. If the breakup was a mutual decision and staying friends would be better than being in a relationship, then a platonic connection might still be on the table.
If the breakup had been on bad terms, however, then there would be little to no chance of you being friends again. It often takes a long time of being apart and moving on before couples who have had bad breakups can recover any semblance of friendship.
How to Be Friends with Your Ex
Realistically, being friends with someone you used to date isn’t easy.
According to psychologist Cortney Warren, emotions and relationship dynamics play a part in making friendships among exes hard to achieve. After all, letting go of your feelings for one another after a breakup can be very challenging.
When you’ve shared romantic feelings with someone, those feelings don’t just disappear even though you’re no longer together. You’ll constantly be reminded of your history whenever you interact with each other, and that can cause your feelings to resurface.
So, how can you be friends with your ex again if you still love each other?
To have a chance at being friends again, you need to set aside any lingering feelings you’re holding on to. Unless you plan on getting back together, they can be harmful to the friendship you’re trying to rebuild.
It’s important for both of you to be committed to a path forward, which means setting clear objectives and boundaries.
Boundaries for Being Friends with an Ex
Since you’ve decided to just be friends, you need to set boundaries so that neither of you crosses any line that could harm your friendship. This includes not being too physically affectionate with each other and avoiding things that can remind you of your history as lovers.
Though you’re still allowed to hang out, you likely won’t talk as frequently and spend as much time as you did when you were still a couple.
It’s okay to joke around and poke fun at your past relationship as long as you’re both comfortable with discussing it. If not, then avoid bringing it up while talking or hanging out, as it might be a painful reminder of what you’ve lost.
Conclusion
Reconciling is a good way to settle things after breaking up with someone you still want to keep in your life.
Depending on how you want to move forward, staying friends can either work or not, but many people do want to give it a shot because it’s better than burning bridges or holding a grudge. At the end of the day, it’s up to the people involved.
So what do you think? Can you be friends with your ex?
References
Warren, PhD, ABPP, Cortney S. 2023. “Can I Be Friends With My Ex?” Dr. Cortney Warren. https://drcortney.com/can-i-be-friends-with-an-ex/.
